Beyond the Perfect Plan: How Motherhood Taught Me to Embrace Chaos

I had my life planned to the minute. At 31, I was working for an international Management Consulting firm and was on a defined path of career progression. My calendar was my bible, my wardrobe arranged by season and function, and my meals prepped a week in advance. I thrived on control. My friends joked that I was a walking Excel sheet. But I didn’t mind. Being in control had gotten me where I was: an enviable life and a killer resume. Marriage and family? That was part of the plan, but not yet.

Then my world imploded. 6 at-home pregnancy tests and one doctor’s visit later, it was confirmed. My neatly curated life was about to deviate drastically from its course. I was about 10 weeks or 2.5 months along. The father, who was also my boyfriend of 3 years, was thrilled. I was … disoriented.

T-6.5 months

The next couple of months included an adult baptism, making me eligible to be married in my now husband’s church. A ‘shotgun’ wedding. A desperate house hunt. All rushed, nothing like I had dreamed about as a little girl. Nothing like I had planned.

I had to find a replacement for myself (I happened to work in HR and team recruitment was part of my portfolio). Best case scenario, that would take 4-6 weeks, worst case scenario, double that. We got lucky and found 2 amazing candidates in a short period of time. My replacement was hired and onboarded in under 2 months.

T-4.5 months

At this point I was adapting, getting organized, and feeling sparks of the excitement that comes with being pregnant. I had carefully orchestrated a new plan, and updated my spreadsheets accordingly. Order was almost restored. The transition at work was going well. My husband and I had found a lovely house and I was having dreams of a baby girl. My last day at work would be September 30th, which gave me 4 weeks before the baby was due to finish settling in our new home and preparing the nursery.

T-2.5 months

My replacement at work resigned. Things had changed for her in the couple of months she had worked there, and it wasn’t the right fit anymore.

And suddenly I had lost control again.

I immediately postponed my mat leave start date to late October and reached out humbly to our second runner-up, explaining the situation. She was interested and available to start within 2 weeks, and within a month and a half, she was hired and onboarded and fitting in nicely. We had a strict training schedule, planned to the minute, and as long as we stuck to it, everything would be fine. I would have about a week in between my last day of work and my due date, allowing me the time to take care of some last minute post-baby items. Plus, most first babies are late. Everything would be fine!

T-1 month

I left work on September 30th, bid everyone a wonderful evening and said I would see them tomorrow. By the time they arrived at the office the next day, I had a teeny-tiny baby girl, born October 1st at 5:21 am at 5lbs, 1 oz. She was 5 weeks early.

Life with the baby was the complete opposite of control - it was chaos. Sleepless nights, diaper disasters, and constant mess. But it was also filled with giggles, tiny milestones, and a joy I had never known.

I returned to work after 11 months of maternity leave, excited to be back and feeling truly ready. As it turned out, I would start thriving again quickly and was offered a promotion shortly after going back. I will never forget the smile on my baby's face when I got home from work on my first day. She had a fun day with Daddy, but was thrilled to see me. And I was just as thrilled to see her. And this continues to be the case today.

Sometimes, you just have to go along on the ride that is life. See where it takes you, adjust as necessary, and be ready for curveballs, because they are inevitable! And everything will in fact, be fine.