Anything but a Self-Sacrificing Mother

As a woman in my forties, a mother of two teenagers, and a professional navigating life between two countries, my journey has been one of growth, resilience, and transformation. I was born and raised in Mexico. My role model mothers were strong, determined women, capable of doing anything for their children. Sadly, they often forgot their dreams and lived their motherhood with guilt and regret. This led me to a firm conviction: if I were ever to become a mother, I wouldn’t sacrifice my dreams, which included developing my management skills, starting my own company, migrating to Canada, pursuing a PhD, and teaching at the university. Dreams don’t have to be realistic, do they?

I earned a bachelor’s degree in administration and embarked on a 15-year career in the pharmaceutical industry. I performed diverse activities, from business analysis to information and knowledge management. I soon realized that technology is fundamental to improving processes, people’s skills, and profitability. My work was challenging and rewarding, allowing me to develop my management skills. However, I felt an urgency to pursue other dreams. By this time, I was a mother of two young boys. Following my dreams seemed too risky, but my determination to honor them resonated every day. My fear of future guilt and regret gave me the strength to quit my secure job.

Honoring my convictions, I decided to pursue a master’s degree. I do not believe in titles for their own sake, so I wanted a challenging program. I chose a full-time master’s degree in computer science, where I discovered my passion for data analytics and machine learning. Returning to school was harder than I imagined. It involved financial changes and adjustments in family dynamics. Not having a background in computers, I had to invest triple the time of the average student. At the same time, I was doing my best to be a good homeschooling mother. Thankfully, I had the unconditional support of my husband.

Computer science opened new avenues for me to explore. The transition was exhilarating, and soon after completing my master’s, I took on a role in business intelligence, where I applied my skills in a practical and impactful way. However, I had postponed my dreams for so long that now the clock was ticking. Again, my fear of regret pushed me to pursue another dream: moving to Canada.

Two years ago, my family and I made the bold decision to move to Canada. The transition was anything but easy. Uprooting our lives and starting anew in a different country came with its challenges—cultural adjustments, professional shifts, and the emotional toll of my children transitioning through their adolescence in a new country.

The most frequent advice I read and heard in Canada was, “You should network.” But how do you network when you have no family or acquaintances in the city? I decided to follow the advice even without fully understanding it. I joined associations, attended events and courses, took any job or volunteering opportunity, and opened myself to meeting new people. In short, I got out of the house. After a while, I found myself surrounded by powerful and generous people whose strength and support helped me navigate this complex journey. Just hearing that they were once where I am now was encouraging.

Today, I work as an Operations and Marketing Manager in the real estate industry. The diverse knowledge I have acquired in business and data analytics is invaluable in streamlining operations and driving efficiency. More importantly, the resilience I’ve developed over the years, combined with the support network I’ve built, has empowered me to thrive in this new environment. Being in Canada, a country with millions of fascinating personal stories, has taught me to honor each person's journey and compete only with myself.

Reflecting on my journey, I am grateful for both the lights and the shadows. I have experienced machismo, classism, racism, ageism, mansplaining, and the glass ceiling. Countless times, I’ve been told, “You won't make it,” “It's too complicated,” “This is not for you,” “That’s impossible.” Each of these remarks fueled my resolve to prove otherwise, strengthening my determination to overcome obstacles. Thanks to those experiences, I deeply value the wonderful people who supported and inspired me. They are people who lead by example—bright, wise, generous, inclusive, and committed to improving the world. They respected my decisions and generously shared their experiences without discouraging me. People give what they have: some offer discouraging criticism, while others give love and passion.

I have two pieces of advice for balancing motherhood and a professional career: focus and flexibility. Focus means seeing the forest but focusing on one tree at a time. Keep all your dreams on the radar but pick one to focus on and get a little closer to it every day. Flexibility means accepting that you can’t control everything: other people, your children, time, your body changes, etc. Learn to adapt and build with whatever you have each day. I still hold the conviction of not sacrificing my dreams, but I’ve accepted that they need to be adjusted throughout life. Is flexibility another name for the sacrifices we make as mothers? I don’t know, but my motivation is to give my children a supportive family in which the well-being and dreams of each member are important.

I hope my story inspires other women who are facing their own transitions to embrace change, seek supportive networks, and believe in their ability to thrive as both mothers and professionals. When someone tells you that you can't do something, remember: they are projecting their own limitations, not yours. I am a daring woman and a daring mom.